JetUNsetter

Often in life we have to throw ourselves out there. We are in quest of people or positions or solutions. We introduce ourselves, we act, we say things. We fill ourselves with hope. We create expectations. We stumble. We fall. We get disappointed. We might find the courage and the resilience to start all over again. We might not. We might hide. Get depressed.

Every now and then we get lucky. We meet those compatible with us and the magic happens. We grow. We get creative. We fulfil our potential and what is in our heart.

Anyone slightly experienced in life would know that both the magic and being left with nothing are possible. It’s usually a matter of patience and is due to succumb to the rule that nothing is forever. However there are two things: how to manage the darkness while we wait and why some get luckier or lucky more often than others.

On the latter, there is a lot about capitalising on networking. What you need, a new friend, a new partner, a new job likely is a couple of acquaintances away. I have so many questions popping in my mind as I write this. How to build the network? Why would anyone chose to help you? Is anyone actually helping you? In our modern era where everything happens on online platforms (call it LinkedIn or Bumble) do we still need to network? Should we network differently now?

In my experience, there are two kinds of people that are willing to help. Those who genuinely like us / care for us and those who have decided to live their lives in kindness and are willing to help anyone in need they can. For those who like helping is a matter of luck to come across them and some insight in being able to identify them. For those who like us, all we need to do be ourselves and open up with vulnerability when in need. Sounds simple and it is.

You might say there is a third kind: those we can manipulate into helping us. True. I have chosen to avoid this path but I am slightly concerned a lot of the networking tricks and advice out there in fact applies in this third category. What we may get out of it though might not be help but a transaction. Beware. Be ready to pay the price.

Now the platforms. This is an excellent tool to save time and maximise the pool of options to reach out to. And that’s it. The moment human contact is established the modern era does not do much. We are left to make contact the only usual human way. We throw ourselves out there and we hope for the best. We can though get ready for it. This is cultivate a fair notion of ourselves and our needs and cultivate empathy. The more we know about us the better and more honest we are in connecting with others and more likely compatible people are attracted into our orbit.

I fail to see how to fake it till you make it is a good advice. There is so much out there about asking questions and be curious about other people. When was the last time you were tricked into believing that someone following the advice and asking questions is in fact genuinely interested in you? If we fake it, it shows. If we don’t care, it shows. If we are bored, it shows. All we might attract is equally non genuine transactional contact. In which case we might not even be the smartest or richest in the equation….

It is frustrating to realise we do not control the other person. Even if we chose to try and manipulate them the funny truth behind it is that, to a certain extent and not necessarily consciously, they chose to be manipulated. So we don’t control anything about the other person and we cannot take pride for making them do anything for us! Super frustrating. Some find it relieving, some find it desperate. My take is that accepting zero control over the others and the circumstances (if we can actually not change the circumstances) we spare the energy to let ourselves grow or just think clearly and analyse the reality before us. Awesome, isn’t it?

Now on the darkness. I have fathomed out the only way to sustain the darkness is to keep confident and patient. No one else will know best so we just don’t believe them. They can help us see perspectives we missed or offer experience but the master of every detail and data needed for a right decision is us. Hence, no one in the end can judge our call. They miss some of the date. Inevitably.

And what about the rule in life that nothing is forever? It’s one of those. A rule. Not sure I have ever spotted an exemption. Once something amazing pops up we need to be ready to recognise it, respect it, cherish it and find ways and the energy for it to grow. It will change, it will disappear, (s)he might decide to move on. We need to allow ourselves to have enjoyed the ride and be grateful for the chance. Besides, being touched by the god of Luck and have someone in your life who genuinely cares and respects you will hold you from falling if you happen to have found yourself in the darkness…

Please, help me make sense of us.